National Dopester Page 2

ROYAL VISITOR BUSTED

appeared to be deviates present in the suite when raiders battered down the gold door.

(“They built places heavier in them days,” the Chief told reporters. “It took us about 5 minutes to get through.”

(According to City Historian Lamont Cranston, the Fore Arms was formerly a shrine of Vishnu, which accounts for its name and the splendid architecture inside.)

Once inside, Patton said, police discovered the Duke biting one of the young women on the neck and stabbing her arm with a huge hypodermic needle. The two officers seized him by his cape and subdued him.

According to hotel employees who witnessed the bizarre seizure, the Duke then began to shout objections, maintaining his innocence and alluding to “some kind of spy plot,” as witnesses put it. One employee, who has requested anonymity, said that Lt. S. Ketchum of the Vice Squad laughed in response to the Duke and raped the young woman, who subsequently claimed to be the daughter of Indra.

Conflicting reports of subsequent events came out of the witnesses.

In the words of Chief Patton, “All of a sudden it was as if all these prosties and homos rose up to the ceiling and then went through, giggling and hitting one another on the hand.”

SEX-CRAZED DOPE FIEND

cannabis sativa, during a spell in the Tibetan Mountains.

The young man, under the influence of this mind-rotting drug, said Freem, “achieved a dangerously high degree of satisfaction from what we in the profession call…harrumph…abusing himself. Alas, as surely as day follows night, he became addicted to this debilitating practice also.”

“Today, I’ll warrant you,” Freem concluded, he is a physical and mental junk-heap – rheumy eyed, slack of jaw, with a pitifully deformed back and an almost fatal case of acne. His palms are, alack, covered with an unsightly growth of hair, even to the palms. But that, I guess, is the way of it when you become a sex-crazed dope fiend.

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Lt. Ketcham was quoted as saying, “as if, hell! That’s what they did! And this one pansy had six hands!”

Controversy is still heated on this point.

The status of the Duke was also in question at press time. His papers indicate that he is in this country officially as a mushroom inspector, but is reported wanted for unspecified crimes in his Central European homeland. An unofficial government source said that these are no doubt of a political nature, and that “extradition seems unlikely.”

VIPERS, DEVIATE HELD

Local police apprehended yesterday three top suspects in connection with a dope ring operating in these parts.

The men, or rather one of the three, was first picked up in connection with a heinous sexual assault on young LaRue Finsterwald, 28, a shapely schoolteacher in the local school system. The attack took place late last week in the city’s downtown area.

When questioned by police the man broke down completely and admitted that he was under the influence “of a narcotic substance known to me only as the “muggles”,” as the suspect stated in his tell-all confession at police headquarters yesterday.

His arrest and consequent testimony led to his debauchers, the two men mentioned above (2), who had persuaded the lad to “turn on,” as the men put it yesterday, “to some gauge” (sic).

“The cat didn’t know what he was gettin’ into,” the older man, a cynical Oriental, told reporters. “We thought he was cool, but the dude bogued the whole thing. He we supposed to know the punk would turn into a dope-crazed sex-fiend?”

The police declined an answer.

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Schizophrenia, the dread mental disease, was first reported in the Transylvania region of eastern Roumania.