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The National Dopester is an extract from the Work/2 Active Anthology |
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The Tabloid to End All Tabloids FU, PUCKEY: BLAH |
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ROYAL VISITOR BUSTED
(YP) The Duke de Bom Bom was arrested on the Sabbath in his 13-room suite at the exclusive Fore Arms Hotel in downtown Terminal City. Police seized forty pounds of hashish in the spectacular pre-dawn raid. It is still not clear what connection exists between the Duke and the dope, but special police teams are at work on the “hash” and expect to arrive at the answer sometime later this yuga. Meanwhile, the Duke spoke briefly to reporters this morning. He maintained his innocence while claiming that his presence at the Fore Arms orgy was part of an attempt on his part to destroy a conspiracy which, he claimed, “aims at nothing less than the downfall of Western civilization as we know it.” It was unclear exactly whom the Duke was indicting, but the names “Fu Man Chu” and “Tibet” appeared several times as the Duke became more and more incoherent and finally had to be subdued by his Bulgar guards. Equally unclear was the fate of the Duke’s companions at the scene of his arrest. According to Police chief Pat Patton, there were an estimated dozen scantily-clad young women and one or more young men who (con’t. p.2, col.1) |
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Joint Communique Issued Washington – President Percy Puckey and insidious evil genius Fu Man Chu met with agreement in a joint communiqué issued yesterday (12). The two heads of state said, “Blahblahblah.”
GAD NAMED COMMISSIONER E. (“Go-Lee”) Gad was recently named Commissioner of Waste for Terminal city, Nebraska, local authorities told Dopester reporters yesterday.
SEX-CRAZED DOPE FIEND Dr. Enrico Freem, local gynecologist, gave an informal talk on “Manliness” at the 12 th St. YMCA yesterday. In his lecture Dr. Freem warned against many mind-crumbling sexual practices, “All too common, I’m afraid, in these all to decadent times,” as the doctor put it yesterday. The good doctor, whose practice is situated in his spacious home on W. Twelfth Street, called to mind a telling anecdote which visibly impressed his audience. He cited the case of a former patient of his, a young man who became addicted to the dangerous narcotic, (con’t. p. 2, col. 2) |
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