ESSAY ON TONGUES AND FRUSTRATION
The bus driver was mad, mad at the kiddies who jumped around in the bus uttering bits of nonsense jargon. His face was twisted into a mad whirlpool of pent-up rage. He hated noisy kiddies. He was really mad – they distracted him – he almost had big accidents. He chewed gum like a maniac, his buggy little mad eyes shifting from mirror to mirror. His hand twitched. He was madly nervous, hated kiddies. He was skinny and undernourished. Bony feautures comprised his tense face. I wanted to help him ----- Ohhhh! I will help him, yes!
I love big coins. He hates them because they are hard to handle and make change for. He has truly mad habits. He licks his fingers when he handles things to get better traction vith his fingers. He’s crazy. He licks other things too because his rage hold for kiddies, who usually taunt him, makes him go out of his mind – mad. Lots of times he even licks the dollar bills I hand him to get change. The kiddies throw things at him. All he can think about is how much he hates kiddies ----- an infinite passion of his, while his marble, buggy, glassy eyes search mirrors and streets for the safe passage of the big bus.
I love liquid oxygen. It’s really cold. So cold that a rubber band, after being immersed in it, will shatter into a million fragments.
Last week, waiting for bis bus, I was ready – yes, yes, Oh! so ready. Standing there I had immersed a big fifty-cent piece into my personal flask of liquid oxygen. It was very cold. The half-dollar was unique in another way as well as being cold. I had it highly magnitised. In my satchel I had my ten pound piece of iron rail concealed. As his bus reeled up, I gently picked out the frigid piece of money with a pair of very small forceps, and, as he opened the doors of his lovely bus, I thrust it toward him. At the same time I noticed his grimacing wrinkled face, shifting eyes and furrowed bony brow – the same face whose brain madly concentrated in rage in thought about his tormentors – the kiddies. He grasped for the money with a gloved hand (not even glancing at it). The fifty-cent piece frozen to his glove traveled – traveled – traveled – yes! Yes! Closer, closer --- then I saw the tongue slip out; yes, the coin was getting closer to it ---- Ohhh! Yes! Ahhhhh! Hee, Heeeee ee! He was going to lick it! Ohhhhhhhhh! What ecstasy!!! There, the cold metal and the moist tongue have joined! Lovely! Exquisite! What a passionate climax! – Now for the ten-pound weight. Ahh Ahhhhhhh OOOOOh! Yes, yes, yes – here – Yes!! It works, the magnetic coin and the weight are holding together with a tremendous affinity! Then I recoiled, jumping down off the bus and running, looking over my shoulder to see with glee, his tongue stretched to the floor by the weight holding to the coin stuck to the tip of his tongue. Yes, yes! The ultimate in perfected schemes. Madly correct.
Now, one month later, the city is in a complete uproar about the disappearance of school kiddies. But I know, I saw him two days ago, -----quite fat, robust, and with a large distended inside. It seems to be something rolled up. Yes – now he smirks and grins – mouth holding some sort of fleshy thing. He's not mad anymore – because I know! Yes, yes! Heeeee Heeee, I know. He likes to have kiddies como on his bus now, but they never get past him to sit down. His fiendish little eyes get all red and bloodshot – drool and froth dribble down the corners of his mouth. Then, yes! Ohhhhhhh! Then! Heee, Heeee, Hooo, Haa, Then the rubbery lips part, and a lovely long pink thing darts out of his mouth cavity, unravelling as a streamer – longer and longer – so fast! – Closer, closer to kiddie – Then SNAP!! Kiddie is stuck fast to pink long fleshy long thing and, quick as a flash, long pink thing rolls back up-----in an instant busdriver seems to be chewing big hunks of gum------
But he’s not nervous or mad now, No, No. No, Haa aaa Heeeeee Heee Heee Ohhhh! Now he worships me, The Great Creator Ahhhhhh! Kingly Me, for now he has a nice long tongue. Now he's fat and happy – not mad at all Gughhh Ahhhhh Hee Hooo ohhhh ssssssshhhhhh
-- Minkey
(reprinted from the I Would Thou Were Cold or Hot Review, Albion College, May 1960)
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